


two men and a wasp

by volleycatnika



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: I'm scared of wasps, M/M, Wasps, based of my wasp adventure, don't make any bee movie jokes, istg this isn't the bee movie, shance, they have a pet cat, they're both scared of wasps, wasps not bees
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-13
Updated: 2017-05-13
Packaged: 2018-10-31 04:29:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10891722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/volleycatnika/pseuds/volleycatnika
Summary: both shiro & lance are scared of waspsthey use WikiHow to figure out how to kill itthey don't follow the instructions very well





	two men and a wasp

**Author's Note:**

> based off my own wasp adventure where I had to kill a wasp all by myself bc I have no shiro
> 
> it's a miracle I'm alive

“This paper is taking forever,” Lance whines while aggressively hitting the spacebar. “Remind me why I thought taking U.S Military History was a good idea.” Lance shifts his gaze from the dim computer screen, hoping to get an empathetic reaction from Shiro. No such luck.

“You said that the class was going to be a piece of cake. I tried to warn you that there was a big essay at the end, but you didn’t listen,” Shiro scolds, with a playful smile on his face. “What movie are you analyzing again?”

Before Lance can reply, their pet cat emits an ear-piercing hiss while launching herself at the window. “What are you trying to get, Kaltenecker?” Lance asks, scanning the window for bugs.

“Probably a better name,” Shiro says, with a small sigh. “I can’t believe I let you name our cat after the space-cow.” Lance doesn’t respond, seeming to favor staring at the window. Adding a quiet “Lance, what’s wrong?” Shiro shifts his gaze from Lance to the window.

There’s a wasp on the window. Their cat was _trying_ to kill a wasp. “If we are capable of saving the universe, we can kill a wasp. I’ll get one of my work boots. Stay here and make sure Kaltenecker doesn’t get stung,” Shiro says, giving Lance what he hopes to be a comforting pat on the leg before leaving the room.

When he returns, Lance is on the other side of the room, cradling an annoyed looking Kaltenecker in his arms. Shiro raises a questioning eyebrow. “It moved,” Lance squeaks. Clearing his throat before correcting himself, Lance adds, “I mean it flew. I swear to God Shiro it was headed for me. I think it wants to kill me and then kill our son.” Shiro can’t help but chuckle when Lance refers to Kaltenecker as their son.

“I highly doubt a single wasp could kill you. It’s not like you’re allergic,” Shiro says, with a breif pause. “Wait, are you allergic?”

“I don’t know,” Lance admits, “It’s one of the reasons I’m so scared of wasps. What about you? Are you allergic?”

“I…” Shiro knows he has really bad seasonal allergies but wasps? He has no clue. “I don’t think so...”

“That’s not very reassuring, Takashi,” Lance huffs. “If that’s the case, we probably shouldn’t rely on squishing it with a boot. If you miss it will fly up and…”

“Sting me,” Shiro says, just as Lance utters, “kill you.”

“Even if I was allergic, it wouldn’t kill me. I’d just have to go to the hospital. Or if it was you that was stung and are allergic, you’d have to go to the hospital. If I didn’t let evil aliens kill us, I won’t let a wasp kill us either,” Shiro assures Lance.

“We didn’t die because we always thought before we acted,” Lance replies, after taking a deep breath. “Look up how to kill a wasp. There has to be a better way than using a boot.”

Shiro obliges, dropping the boot so he can type with two hands. Clicking on the first article, which happens to be a WikiHow article, he skims the list before getting an idea. “It’s a little different from what the article is saying, but I have an idea. Make a cup of soapy water and get the potato masher. I’ll get the air freshener from the bathroom.” Although first giving Shiro a confused look, Lance sets Kaltenecker down before going into the kitchen.

 --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 “On the count of three,” Shiro suggests. Lance nodded in agreement. “One, two, THREE!” Lance sprays the wasp with air freshener, knocking it out of the air. Once it is on the ground, Shiro dumps the cup of soapy water on it. For a few wonderful seconds, the wasp doesn’t move. Then, the wasp crawls, slipping and sliding on the soapy water. “Quick, give me the potato masher!” Lance hands Shiro the masher. Upon getting it, Shiro hits the wasp with it about ten times. The wasp is reduced to wasp mush.

 “Eww it’s like wasp goo,” Lance remarks, using a spoon to poke it. Shiro isn’t sure where Lance got the spoon from - He’s pretty sure Lance only had the air freshener and the potato masher with him. “Do you remember space goo?” Before Shiro can respond, Lance adds, “What if space goo was made out of wasp?”

 “I, sadly, remember space goo,” Shiro says, taking the spoon from Lance and using it to scoop up what’s left of the wasp. “I doubt it was made of wasp. Although, if it was, it would explain why it tasted so gross.”

 Lance laughs for the first time since the whole wasp thing started. “It really would. I’ll get some paper towels to clean up the water. Could you fling the wasp outside? Or into the dark pits of hell? Either works.” At first, Shiro thinks Lance is serious, but then he notices the smirk on Lance’s face.

 “I’ll put it outside,” Shiro says, “but only if you promise to give me a thank you kiss.”

 “If I give you two, will you help me with my paper?” Lance asks, with a hopeful look. It’s a look Shiro can’t resist.

 “Fine, but only if you give me one kiss in advance.”

 “You’ve got a deal, handsome.”


End file.
